Lockdown – A Different Perspective

I’ve noticed over the last few days that some people are posting that they are starting to struggle or at the very least are fed up with the semi-lockdown that we find ourselves in.  Various things I’ve read and seen point to people’s mental health deteriorating and a need and want to be back to normal life.  I feel for people’s mental state I really do.  It can’t be easy looking after kids or being a carer for your partner or parents during this time.  I can’t imagine the scary thoughts that must be going through some women’s minds if they are mid-way and beyond during pregnancy.  Nor can I imagine the loneliness one might feel if they live alone but lead quite an active social life.  To have your every day turned on its head shouldn’t be underestimated for the impact it has had on some.

But here’s the thing, as much as I feel guilty for saying this I’m actually rather enjoying lockdown.  

I’m enjoying the fact I can work from home every day and communicate through some nifty technology.  I’m liking the fact I don’t have to make idle talk in an office or constantly have to clock watch for my next meeting, my next train or think about having to fit lunch in between all that.  And before I go on let me stress that being able to work from home is very much a privilege with a job I feel extremely honoured to have.  I realise this isn’t the same for everyone. 

While the first week took some getting used to it slowly dawned on me that I was being given the chance to slow down and enjoy a more laid back pace, one I could set myself.  And in doing so I’ve got into a comfy routine.  One of being able to spend time on deep thinking tasks, solving problems in different ways and learning to understand what’s really important to me.  In fact, just having more time to think has been such a rare gift to receive.

As an introvert, I don’t crave much interaction and I haven’t missed it.  The odd conference call or telephone call with family is enough for me.  I haven’t seen anyone but my partner in about five weeks and I don’t miss anyone (if I’m honest).  I (selfishly?) like it just being me and my wife ( My wife would not agree with me on this).  I have been able to dress how I want, eat when I want and while some days have been extremely busy work-wise I’ve felt that the work I’ve done has had real meaning.  No time for idleness it soon became apparent after the lockdown that if things were to run as smoothly as possible for anyone effected by COVID-19 then I had to dig in and waste no time making sure I got my share of the work done so it could be moved onto the next person to implement or deliver.

I have interacted through social media (although I’ve had to guard my time and emotions on that score), but I haven’t had to make any excuses to social events or invites, I’ve not had to go to any family gatherings.  I’ve just been able to have a rest and be me for a short period of time without the worry that I might be annoying anyone else.   And I haven’t gotten stressed from trying to fit into other people’s extroverted ways, the ones that ask so much all the time (even though they don’t realise it and it’s never done out of selfishness, that’s just how extroverts operate).  Whether it’s to look good, be somewhere, talk to someone – constantly try and fit in without knowing whether I’m actually doing it right.  Instead, without anyone else around, I’m simply having a good time by myself.  That battle that I have constantly within myself wondering why I’m so quiet and not like others has simply disappeared.

I agree my words make me sound selfish.  In a world that wants to constantly connect I don’t, it’s odd I agree.  But then again I’m not everyone and I’ve always found my own way to connect.  It just so happens during a pandemic my way of communicating, my way of spending time alone or with close relatives, my way of not wanting to socially interact unless it’s for something important is the only way at this time.  

I would never not interact with anyone that contacts me or chats to me, that not what I’m about.  I would like to think that anyone that needed anything could come to me and I would help.   And I would gladly love to collaborate with anyone that offered out but I’ve always found it so difficult to reach out in that regard.  I find it hard to be sociable all the time.  I want to give 100% of myself all the time and it’s not always emotionally possibly to do that. In the current situation, 100% is far easier over an internet connection.

We just have to do the best we can with where we find ourselves at this point in time.  And we’ll all find different ways of coping with lockdown.  Some will be craving time with other people, I am just enjoying the very moment I find myself in.  

Thank you for reading.