Flash Fiction – After the Poison

My second flash fiction attempt.  This time at 200 words.  Let me know what you think.

She was dead now.  He could imagine her struggle, trying to catch her breath as the poison raced through her veins.  Did she feel on fire?  It must have been agony.  And he took some comfort in the fact it would have been quick.  

The chocolates would eventually be traced back to him, he knew that.  There was a chance he could get away before they knocked on his door.  His wife standing there looking all surprised.  His wife.  This was all her fault.  She was supposed to eat the chocolates.  The constant indulgences led her to overeat and become fat.  She always just sat there after work, eating.  Watching TV.  She should have felt the burning sensation through her veins.  But she gave the chocolates away to her friend and now her friend was dead and he was stood looking at his animated wife, pleased with herself for giving the chocolates away.  Did she know?  

Unfolding events carried fast and his wife was the one who broke the news to him.  He didn’t have to fake being devastated.  Half wishing he had borded the plane and chucked the chocolates.  Too late now.  There was a knock on the door. 

Thank you for reading.

Writing Achievements – W/e 25th April 2021

It’s been a good week for writing again.  I finally managed to find a solution to my WordPress woes and all is right in the writing sense again.  Goodbye block editor, hello old classic friend.

Silly, I know but it feels like a light has gone on and I can see again.  Also, it is annoying because when you get used to using software in such a way it can be a real wrench when it suddenly changes.  Some software, like this one is more of an old friend. One I share a lot of tales with, one I rely on.  One that has always been there for me.  To have it go off and do its “own thing” made me feel rather more than just disappointed.  I have felt bereft.

But, here I am.  We’ve worked through our differences and come to a solution.  It’s all good again.  Long may it continue.

Having got my friend back, as it was, I’ve been able to write quite a bit this week.  The block  had at being able to spend so much time in front of a computer/laptop etc has been worked through.  I’ve made space for writing and also given space to have a break from the screen too.  This, I have found, is much easier to do when the days are longer – at least longer with light.  Sitting in front of a screen, cooped up day after day indoors is not as nice as breaking the day up with some of the time spent outside, in the sunshine.  Nothing is more appealing to me than being able to type outside.

The second block I had, back in Feb, about my novel has also been worked through. I’m no longer trying so hard to push ideas about the novel that made me frustrated because they never came.  Instead, I let my thoughts flow around shorter stories and non-fiction ideas.  In doing so ideas about the novel came naturally, without hurry.  Funny how a brain works like that.

With the change of season it’s also meant I’ve been able to spend more time in the garden working with my hands which I adore.  And just simply the act of moving between manual work and online work has made writing that much easier every day.  So far in April I’ve written on 17 days.  That’s over half the month which I’m pleased about.

What am I currently reading?

I’ve been steadily reading a novel a month.  It’s not quite as hard to focus as it was but it can still be challenging to make time to read.

At the moment I’m reading The Map of Love by Ahdaf Soueif.  It should be an extremely complicated read because it spans not only multiple countries but numerous relationships across a huge time period.  But instead, it’s a wonderful read full of engaging characters and beautiful words.  I’m learning a lot about Egypt in the process as well.  It’s a book from the Guardian’s top 1,000 list.  I can see why it made the list.

Flash Fiction – Hedgehog Life

My first attempt at sharing some flash/micro fiction.  Let me know what you think.

Wandering over uneven grass, along the fence, around the pots.  Little paws dig for snails in the soil.  A sudden rush comes from behind.  He tucks himself up tight into a ball.  Panting, waitng for the danger to pass.  Something pushes him along the lawn.  He can barely see but feels big claws trying to hook their way under his ball and towards his face. Then nothing.  Only the sound of the wind rusling through the trees.  Slowly uncurling, he sniffs the air.  Dare not look behind and keeps going.  Onto another section of bare ground to look for food.

Thank you for reading.

What Can I Hear?

It’s so lovely, being sat in the garden writing this.  The sun is shining and I’m semi-sheltered from a gusty north wind.

As I was thinking about writing today the sound of birdsong nudged its way into my thoughts.  Birdsong heard in the garden is depicting a hugely important time –  springtime.  It’s natures time to get things done.  For the birds, this means determining territory, finding a mate, building nests and looking after broods.  Chirps, calls and songs all determine who goes where and who’s doing what as the birds spend their days feeding, avoiding danger and looking out for new mates.

This afternoon, in the space of about 5 minutes I’ve heard;

• Wood pigeon
• Sparrows
• Bullfinch
• Grey collard dove
• Chiffinch
• Seagull (flying overhead)
• Robin
• Crows

Ever so often the volume will die down completely and I’m left with the sound of the wind pushing the polytunnel cover door, or in the not too far distance, children going past.  But sure enough, the tweeting and the chirping come back.  If there is any danger I can hear the blackbird raise a call to let others know something isn’t quite right.

It’s like being in a wonderful open theatre – each type of bird playing its own song, in its own way.  I can’t see who delivers the beautiful notes unless the feathered friends quickly drop into the garden to feed or get a drink.  But I know they aren’t far.  They sing from the trees and the bushes, from the rooftops and the shed roofs.

And the noises and songs I hear don’t amazingly drown each other out, instead, they merely complement each other.  The crow makes its bold statement flying over while the goldfinches or bluetits chirp together in unison.  And in between the pigeon coo’s to let everyone know there is nothing to fear.  It’s all rather wonderful and soothing.  I’d even argue that it really shouldn’t be missed.

If you get a chance to sit out for five minutes then go for it.  This level of bird noise doesn’t last all year.  It dies right down in late summer onwards.  One day, you’ll be sat in the garden and you’ll suddenly notice how quiet it’s become.  So, don’t miss it.

Thank you for reading.

Giving Ourselves Permission to Think

The world and our lives have changed since COVID.  I thought, to begin with, as the following news bringing depressing stats, the daily Govt update conferences, the lockdowns continued that we’d all just eventually come out of our places of safety and carry on.  And for the most part, we have but something has definitely changed.

The way we work.  The way we interact with people.  How we shop.  What we spend our money on.  Where we go and why we go there.  These are all areas that have seen behaviour change.

One of the biggest areas of change in my life has been the inability to switch off.  Relaxing –  once thought of as merely indulgence by any standards has now turned into a dream that’s rather out of reach.  Sure, I finish work or take some leave.  I can have a bath or go for a walk.  But these are merely actions that lead on to more actions, and in most cases give my body a moment of relaxation.  But my brain?  That’s another matter.  My brain hardly ever gets a chance to really relax.  I think that it’s forgotten how to.  It’s either in a constant active state waiting for the next unexpected world event to happen, or it’s battling some kind of fog to make coherent words or remember something basic like a person’s name.  And I don’t think I’m the only one to suffer from all this.  It borders something between general anxiety and survival mode.  We’re all just little robots getting the things we need to get done, bouncing from one task to another in the hopes we get to that all-important “sit down time” or just go to sleep. From that has been lost not only the ability to just sit for a while but to actively or consciously do it.

There has been no break from that since last March.  Which is a very long time for new behaviours to set a good footing in our psyche.

I decided enough is enough.  If life has changed, if the way my days pan out has changed forever then I need a coping strategy and that strategy has to involve thinking more – without distractions.  Ultimately I needed to give myself a mental break.  And this is how I did it.

I could never quite get my head around (excuse the pun) meditation.  It seemed a bit daft, sitting down and trying to think of nothing when all my mind wanted to do was shout to me, very loudly about anything it could find.  But since learning about Zazen Meditation which asks that you simply sit and let the thoughts wander about, acknowledge them and let them go, that it all started to make sense.  A bit like writing, meditation is usually something I try and “fit in”.  But I’ve started making it a priority.  Just five minutes in the morning sets me off to a nice start.

And I’ve started applying this type of thinking to other parts of my days.  Go for a walk?  Meditate.  Have a few minutes before or after a meeting?  Meditate.  It’s become almost a reset button.  A chapter turner before moving onto the next activity.  I mean, you don’t really have to call it meditation.  It’s just allowing me a bit of time and space to think.

The other key element to breathe thinking space into my day has been to remove myself from social media and other imposing inputs that I have absolutely no control over.  If I have no control over it then why am I actively allowing myself to be part of it when I don’t have to be?  I asked myself, why am I wanting to fill those areas of free space with distraction?  Why do I feel a need to check Twitter when I’m sat down or to turn the TV on when I come into a room?  It is merely a habit.  A habit we all have.  To stop the silent moments, to give our fingers something to do because it’s what we’re used to.  Because we know if we don’t then our thoughts will appear and then we might not relax because we have so much going through our mind at any one time.  We’ll end up wittering like we do just before we get to sleep.  But that isn’t the case at all – at least not for me.  wIth fewer distractions, my mind is quieter during these moments.  Again, I let any thoughts and reflections pass.  I end up pondering ideas.  Ideas lead to solutions and solutions give the mind a bit of peace.  In some instances, I have also had some great creative thoughts going through my mind.  Something that difficult to do if the mind isn’t given time to just flush everything else out first.

None of this was easy to begin with.  Habits take weeks to be broken.  I have to actively chide myself when I pick up my tablet or phone and begin scrolling.  In my head I say, “no, this is the time to think/ponder/reflect…”

But it has helped me.  I feel better.  And I have more mental clarity.  I also sleep better because I’m not pondering about the events in the news or what someone said on a group chat.

All that has come from simply giving myself the permission to think.  It’s not always easy but it’s a better way to frame my think processes.

Thank you for reading.